Aging

AKA GETTING FUKKING OLD

AKA GETTING FUKKING OLD

Pain Management

I have realized that as you grow old it’s all about pain management. Having lived with Rene, my business partner’s 85-year-old mother, she enlightened my understanding of aging when she told me that at the end, her husband’s biology had broken down so much, she thought it was time he just died. When he walked, it was painful. When he pooped, it was painful. Apparently, he had a severe case of shingles which left him in constant pain. The doctor told him his case was so extreme that it should be documented in textbooks. The only thing that relieved his pain from shingles was alcohol. Clearly he couldn’t be drunk all the time, and the poor guy didn’t have access to medical marijuana.

Bingo! Rene And JTJ In Jersey, 2016

Like A Pebble In Our Shoe We Must Carry On

Pain is fukking horrible, especially when you have mouths to feed in which case we must carry on for the sake of our offspring and partners. For quitters who want to kill themselves, have a heart, take a pill, puff some pot and give your loved ones hugs. Find something to distract yourself from the negative thoughts. Unless you are susceptible to Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. For these cases, plan ahead by signing the required paperwork for assisted suicide, because really, who wants to be a party pooper?

Plan Ahead

Are you married with kids? If so, plan ahead; complete your power of attorney and will and testament documents. This will reduce stress for your loved ones. Furthermore, planning a funeral is no fun and if left to a grieving spouse, it has inherent risk for the deceased to be misrepresented during this, their end-of-life celebration. A few years ago, a family acquaintance passed away and I was surprised to learn that a funeral costs $30K (in 2020 CAD). That’s an insane sum of money to put someone in the ground. I personally would much rather those monies go to my beloved offspring towards a downpayment on a house or towards a PhD. 

Upon seeing the stress my deceased acquaintance’s spouse faced as they planned the funeral service, I proceeded to plan my own end-of-life celebration. I made a guest list, invitations, a video eulogy, and prepared a video conference funeral service that I bundled into easy-to-follow instructions, an end-of-life package that my wonderful wife can easily execute. I also donated my body to the state. All of this planning ensures that I get what I want out of an end-of-life celebration, while lightening the load for my beloved spouse.

Assisted Suicide

Are you susceptible to Alzheimer’s disease or dementia? For these cases, plan ahead by signing the required paperwork for assisted suicide, because really, who wants to be a party pooper…

Life insurance

Make sure you have life insurance so your loved ones love you even more when you are gone.

JTJ'S Book of Essays

We hope you found this edition of JTJ’s Book of Essays entertaining and insightful. Remember, there are heaps of acclaimed essays in this wondrous collection. If you’ve got the cognitive capacity, read on to learn about the best art joke ever – Marcel Duchamp’s 1917 pisstake The Fountain or the difference between artists and entertainers.

Let’s Get Metaphysical, Learn The Meaning of Life 

  1. What Do The Wealthy, The Sun & Popular Kids Have In Common?
  2. Baseball Bats And Dominance Hierarchies
  3. Why the Medium is The Message
  4. The Toothless Woman With Compounding Bad Luck
  5. Reconciling Alexander The Grandpa’s Socialism With Darwinism
  6. Spinoza & The Meaning Of Life

Art & Information 

  1. Duchamped, Information Nested Inside Information and How Marcel Duchamp Helped Art Overcome Its Greatest Existential Threat With An Impeccable Joke Called The Fountain
  2. Dearest Godson Felix, Artist or Entertainer, What’s the Difference? 

Reflections on Identity & Life

  1. About The Jew, Meet Alexander The Grandpa
  2. Aging, Getting Fukking Old
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