National Holiday

Hello Mama & Papa,

I’m sipping my first cup of coffee from my new made in 🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫 percolator and making some pasta sauce while (sister) and (cousin) (names redacted to protect their identities) sleep off their jet lag.

Today we toured 🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫. The weather was poopy but we made the most of it, walking about the city. It is currently a national holiday so tons of people have converged on 🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫. For the most part the people are very curious saying ‘hello-hello’ and repurposing phrases they’ve seen on television. At one point in a market today we were intently shopping when all of a sudden we looked up and there were heaps of locals who surrounded us to have a look at the girls. 

I am starting to wonder if spitting is a greeting. Men and women alike, inhale hard accumulating phlegm, followed by a big release that results in a mess on the floor. In some cases right at our feet.

The national holiday is great with five days off. I spent most of it setting up my apartment, making purchases and trying to get around with my broken 🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫. Shopping is so intense because you have to barter for everything. Therefore, the first two phrases I learned were 🀫🀫🀫 🀫🀫🀫🀫 🀫🀫🀫🀫: big/small money = how much does it cost? The second and more important phrase is 🀫🀫🀫 🀫🀫🀫 🀫🀫, or too expensive! Making the smallest of purchases can be terribly tiring and requires much negotiation. It’s an intricate balance of back-and-forth banter. You need to step-by-step push towards your target price by starting ridiculously low, so low that the merchant laughs in your face, so they know you are in it to win it. Then, incrementally you increase your offer, until landing near or on your target price. If you aren’t patient, you pay way more.

As I continue to discover the hard way, it is better to avoid buying sophisticated items from street vendors. Yesterday I bought a cell phone, not because I wanted one considering the radiation on the brain thing, but because it’s an essential survival tool. I found a used phone in the electronics market for about $25. It worked perfectly when I tested, but once I got home it didn;t work. When I took it to a repair guy, he figured I needed a new battery, most likely because the guy who sold me the phone swapped out the good battery. I jumped on my new $18 bike to get a replacement battery when halfway down the street my pedal broke off. It was stripped to death. I found a guy on the street with a welder, so I paid him approximately $1 to weld it back on. I was almost home when it broke again. 

Realizing a bike is the best way to get around town, I convinced myself to spend a little more on a better bike. So I went with a zippy American made BMX. Having been bartering all week I was building barter confidence and wondered if he would lower his price if I didn’t need an invoice? He agreed, no invoice and off I went with my new bike, complete with reflectors and an all-weather fender. All was great until I discovered that it’s mandatory to register bikes with the police and to obtain a license plate, which can only be obtained with a valid receipt… I had to go back to the bike vendor, pay tax and secure the invoice. It gets better… That night while riding about, the handlebars loosened and I went sailing through the air, crashing to the ground.

Back to the cell phone, I got the new battery but the phone was still broken. I took it back to the repairman who proceeded to drop it on his bench and voila, now it works. I have only made coffee once with my new percolator – fingers crossed it doesn’t catch fire.

On another subject, I went for dinner last night with the landlord, good times! My host tried to get me drunk on 🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫 whisky, which tastes like isopropyl and Jägermeister. It brought me to tears. He also wants me to teach his daughter English and possibly marry her. I also got the impression that having us for dinner was a big show for his buddies because they all wanted their photo with me… The food at dinner was intense, imagine French fries served up with three scoops of oil from the deep-fryer. Or goose eggs with fluorescent purple yolks and whites that look like formaldehyde. Get this, I’m told meat is better if there is cartilage and bones in it. Imagine chewing on some chicken then spit anything that won’t break down on a plastic tablecloth. The whole party was slurping away, but it was extremely fun getting to know more about 🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫 culture.

Additionally, it appears that I have developed the “chronic 🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫🀫 cough,” which is either due to the smog or spreads with everyone spitting on the streets.

I can’t begin to describe how difficult it is living here. Getting just the smallest task completed is a giant ordeal. From getting directions on the street to sending packages, making repairs, healthcare, getting a library card – all very formidable tasks. Wow… if I make it through the next two years, I can do anything.

Time to stir the sauce.

Ciao-Ciao